Dating

I am trying to date.  If I say that in such a way that it sounds like I am trying to run a marathon or I am trying to lift something extremely heavy, it is because that's exactly the way this feels. Impossible and very painful. Something that could put you in the hospital.  Maybe give you a hernia. Yesterday I spent an hour on the phone with what appeared to be a nice gentleman from Blue Ridge, Georgia, right up the road.  He was several years older than I and did not appear to be overly attractive. Nice, but normal looks.  He did not appear in his photos with his shirt off or talk about long walks on the beach. He did not mention splitting the cost of a date, or motorcycles.  I thought he was looking for more than sex or to get married. Male code for that is "I like romance. I am a very romantic guy". We hung up without any mention of getting together again.  Feeling a little let down I went on Match and did a search and found someone in my town. I was shocked.  He also did not mention long walks on the beach (this is man talk for I want sex on the beach) and had on his shirt. I mention this because my ex always appears on everything without his shirt. This must be man for I want sex but with someone 30 years younger (or 40 if I don't think there will be criminal prosecution) and dumb. And possibly evil. This guy looked good, lived here, loved dogs (man for goodhearted and I am a dog person!), American Idol (that's my favorite!!), dressing up (my middle name!!!), eating Italian (me,me!!!!), in public office (I used to run for anything!!!!!), and looking for someone who could travel (did I mention I am unemployed!!!!!!).  A true match made in heaven. I winked.  This is female for I am interested.  He ignored my wink.  I sent a very short email.  He ignored my email.  He did look at my profile and was on line during the evening because I am now beginning to become extremely obsessive compulsive and am checking his every move.  I am insulted and soon to be in raged.  I sent another email telling him all my qualities, except the unemployed part(or course), he ignored me still.  I feel slightly warm and check to see if I am running fever. I notice a small rash on my neck.  My stomach is hurting and I feel faint. He is still on line and ignoring me.  I get out the phone book and try to put his name together from the stupid hints in his profile. I know now I am running a fever.  I think about driving around and looking for him in town. What is wrong with me?  Have I lost my mind?  Do I have a strange mental illness?  No, I am just trying to date. Should I say more?????? PS  A friend reminded me, its Lord and Taylor. Lord, I hope someday I can afford to go back in there.