I'm Not that Kind of Girl

"I just can't believe he's married".   2Sexy4U also at hotmail.com was horrified that she had fallen for a married man. "I am just not that kind of girl." And to be honest later when I found her on My Space with pictures of her kissing another girl and lying half naked in the back of a pickup truck, she did list the Bible as her favorite book. My husband was, though, that kind of guy and when he learned of my email, he called me and I heard new ways to use the word f--k in a sentence. Over the next few weeks, while my husband was marooned in Alaska on an oil rig, I was able to secure my clothing, things I thought I might want, and things I definitely wanted, like a divorce attorney, half our cash and a new flat screen TV for me to watch in North Georgia. By Mother's Day though, my anger was down, his cussing also and I wanted to come home.  I tried first to bargain, maybe conj ole and then just plain ask "Can't we work it out?".  I learned now all the ways in which I had failed to be a good wife.  I had ______.Fill in with anything. Failed to ____, didn't _____, wouldn't _____. My list of sins included but was not limited to refusing to watch war movies, not wearing sexy sleepwear, letting him watch Oprah with me but not watching SpeedTV with him.  I didn't support him in foolish decisions, expected him to change the oil in my car( that being drive to the JiffyLube, himself)  and had never really loved him.  I wasn't there for him. Now he was gone half our marriage, traveling with his job, so I was alone a whole lot of my l5 years with him.  In fact, I was alone when my mother died, his mother died, my dog died, my other dog died, my cat got killed, my other cat was killed,  birth of my first grandchild, divorce trial with my daughter and for two wrecks.  I was alone and I drove myself to more doctors visits than I care to relive, a biopsy, numerous second and third mammograms, and sonograms looking for breast cancer, to have a pain shot in my back and was alone three days after a hysterectomy.  But I wasn't there for him. But Miss 2Sexy4U was 22,she could be there for him for 70 or so more years. She could put him in the nursing home, Depends and the grave. With any luck.  As women we always believe that if we can just talk to a man, we can reason with him and help him understand.  We are taught as small girls to cooperate and play fair.  That everyone really is just like us. We are taught to share and be "nice".  We give our best friend the most comfortable chair and our favorite doll.  Little boys are taught to win and excel and play dirty if necessary.  They learn to sink their heels in and hold their forts and never, never, never give in/up. We don't just run up the white flag, we embroider it with our initials and little yellow flowers and offer tea to the enemy.  If you are a "nice" girl and you are in a struggle with a man, you lose.  You give up and give in and make nice and he will take you to the cleaners.   Now Sarah Palin can talk "Mama Grizzly" and if my children were threatened or someone was trying to get my designer handbag that I just found in a pile for $l9.95 at T.J. Maxx, I could come out swinging.  So for once, I was determined to do just that.  So I got my nails done and put on my cutest helmet and got ready for war.