The Grace of Not Having to Decide

I sit and look at this photo (distorted for purposes of this blog)and try to understand what has happened in my life. My sweet brother told me the other day I need to go back and talk about my first divorce.  It was really funny. And that was my sweet brother.  Now I can take a joke like anyone but this is getting to be a little worrisome.  In fact my insomnia has kicked in a lot since I started writing about this divorce.  I might never sleep again if I start talking about the other one.  When I study the photo, she seems to be enjoying the mess she's in (or I'm in) and he seems to be really sunburned and a whole lot angry. I considered painting horns on his head but he looks like he's in enough pain and she would probably like having them, so I pass that up.  I can selfishly look back and thank God that all matters are not in my hands. I see our President now making choices on the other side of the coin. Taking us to war when before he railed against it. Changing his attitude on many fronts when the matter is in his hands. I have thought about if I had to make the choice to send a beautiful young man to war, or another to prison.  To decide between a wife's life and an unborn child.  Who to save in a home fire?  Life is a series of choices, difficult and heartbreaking. Decisions are made and lives changed forever, and some times they are lost.  I know I am vain and the proof is that I couldn't understand why my ex didn't want me back.  I couldn't believe I didn't get the chance to throw water in his face or jump back in the fire with him. Just from a financial standpoint you would think that he'd want to recoup some of what he had lost, given up and squandered away. I am not a bad looking woman and tonight I took an hour belly dancing class just to prove I may be old but there's hope on the dried up part.  You'd think just to give our poor dogs of divorce a happy home again, the man would come back.  I looked at this from every angle.  I worried about it, analyzed it, prayed it over, went on line again looking for reason and clarity.  I wrote Oprah, Phil and even Ellen.  I figured, OK, he doesn't like to admit a mistake, OR he found out he could get a young woman(even I was impressed with what was under the blue wrap), OR I am a lot more "old and dried up" than I thought(no one is lining up to see under my wrap), OR he's just really  messed up, OR there's someone else in the story.  Now how in the world could he have already have someone else when I can't even get a date?  Yes, yes, I know it doesn't matter what a man looks like or how old he is if he has money.  He can even be kinda' creepy like Larry King.  But he has real money. A lot of my ex's was MIA.  I have recently read that a woman feels old at 29 but a man not until 58.  But my ex was now into his 60s.   And if there's another woman,  who in their right mind would be willing to do get involved with a man who'd just done what he did???  Easy. A woman who was more desperate and stupid than he is. Oh, Lord, there's one born every minute and some are just sitting around waiting for the house to fall on them in Oz.