In Memory of Jerry

Last night my neighbor died.  I had spent the day in my flower beds.  I am an avid gardener and can't wait until spring.  Even now I can remember how excited I was on seeing the little green shoots as I began to pull back the heavy layer of leaves and compost I had spread to protect my perennials this harsh winter. Daffodils and sunflowers and dayliles were all showing signs of life.  I was tired and dirty when I came in to shower and get some dinner.  While towel drying my hair I noticed the red flashing lights of the security car parked in Jerry and Helen's drive.  By the time I had some clothes on, the ambulance had arrived.  I ran across the street with wet hair and no makeup to have Helen tell me that her husband, Jerry, had a heart attack.  I watched as Jerry was taken away and Helen scrambled to follow the ambulance in her car.  Jerry did not make it to the hospital.  There is a saying that happy families are all happy and alike in the same way, but unhappy ones in their own special and sad ways.  Helen and Jerry seemed to be a happy family.  As I age I notice what brings happiness and what characteristics you see over and over in those happy families.  First, there is the happy woman, the mother.  Its impossible to say if she is loved so dearly by her husband because she is happy, or does being loved so dearly make a woman happy.  Then there are the children who have successful lives and friends and respect their parents.  The parents are there for their children and supportive but always the children are managing their lives and forging ahead in their own independent ways. At the center of these happy families I believe stands the father, the nucleus of the family. He is the one that always surprises me and who I believe actually sets the stage for the home to either be happy or sad in its own way.  I know that literature and love songs say that its the hand that rocks the cradle, the mother.  And it may be that her hand does rule the world but it is father who makes the home.  If he is strong and caring, his wife will be also.  If he is loving and good, so are his children.  One of my favorite songs now is about a father who prays that God will help him, guide him to be strong and wise for his family knowing that they are looking to him.  Depending on him. I know in our world we make fun of the Homer Simpson and the Tom the Tool Man Taylor stereotypes, the Charlie Sheens get a lot of press;  but nothing in this world outshines the soul of a good man. Nothing takes the place of a father who is wise and loving.  Its very important to have those good mothers, but when you see a God fearing man, a man like Jerry; well, that's something.  A man who takes care of his family, who loves his wife, and makes his kids mind and serves as a deacon in his church.  More and more we seem to be losing our respect for our fathers.  And more and more they seem to be failing their homes.  Yes, when you see one like Jerry; a man who obviously just adored his wife, a man who loved his kids and a man who was a fine and good neighbor, you understand the tenderness of the term "father". And so I thank Jerry for allowing me to watch him from a distance, watch him be a good man.