SEX

Yes, that's in capital letters, and no, its not because I've had any.  I have been thinking about it though.  Mainly because my friend, Lynn, gave me a book entitled "The Dieter's Guide to Weight Loss During Sex".  Now if that's not a catchy title, I've never read one.  Since both of those subjects are dear to my heart, I read the book. Turns out the book is a complete listing of different activities, bedroom and otherwise and how many calories each burns up.  I find it almost as fascinating trying to understand how they calibrated such caloric burn as I find it fascinating that people actual spend time trying to determine such things. For years we have heard how the government donated (threw away) $3 million to determine the sex lives of horned owls and buffalo, but now it seems that people are actually writing books about sex/calories and some people, not me or my friend, are buying them. Not too many obviously because the book was in a donated section of the library and its original price of $2.75 had been cut in half.  But the darn thing got published. Anyway since sex is by far the most favored of all exercises and the least boring if done right, I am going to let you in on some of the statistics.One hour of heavy petting, including squirming, wiggling, and whimpering for more (if any) will burn up an entire large slice of chocolate cake.  Sixteen minutes of frisking and tickling of a partner will equal 9 lollipops.  Two more for the ticklee. French kissing for 53 mintues will give you swollen lips and a cheeseburger and l4 french fries with ketchup but you will have to wait for your lips to regain feeling in order to keep the cheeseburger from falling to the floor while trying to take a bite. If you can manage to chase your partner around the room for 62 minutes or have a 2 hour pillow fight without dying in the process, you can share two pints of ice cream, one for each of you. This is not recommended after taking Viagra. The big disappointment was that 6 minutes of intercourse in 4 different positions (how often have you been disappointed in 6 minutes of intercourse in 4 different positions?) only allowed you to enjoy a large portion of chocolate mousse. Hardly worth the effort.  But then compare it to other activities such as a sneeze equally l4 bean sprouts, calling your parents 3 calories burned, drying your hair 9 calories, unless you are using your cheeks to do it which would be 348 calories and a heart attack, or selecting your clothes 7 calories if you care how you look and l if you don't.  All in all, it truly appears that the best way to stay fit, trim and healthy is to have SEX. That said, I am joining Match.com again. I have 5 pounds to lose.

Who Says You Can't Go Home Again?

I drive back to North Georgia after a day in the Alabama sun.  It was 95 when I left Montgomery, Alabama. I had lunch with a group of wonderful girls from high school and once again remember how lucky I am to have grown up in a different time. Our problems of pimples and boys and grades were nothing compared to what we see now in life.  Usually when I top the hill on Hwy 575 in Canton, Georgia, I see the mountains and I feel a sense of home. Tonight though nothing seemed to make me at ease. I am lonely beyond belief. Maybe its the fear of my empty house or maybe its that my grand puppies are gone. No one is waiting for me. Don't misunderstand, I love my home.  I believe it was Thomas Merton that said "you can't be neurotic in front of a bunch of trees".  My home is a bunch of trees, against a mountain with a lake and wildlife abundant. I believe it is the beauty of North Georgia that has spared my sanity during the recent "unpleasantness" and the two years now of "aftermath". The deer and bear and small animals I see know more of life and death than I do.  They were made first by God and have know this world longer than any man.They seem closer to the source of all knowledge and they have helped to give me a sense of wholeness.  They were my first friends in small town where before I had none. They have served as my guide to finding some peace when I could have easily found only distress. And I will be glad to see them and to water my garden and sprinkle some seeds for the birds.  But I will do it alone.  I have good friends now in Georgia and I do something of value in my volunteer job. There is though nothing that takes the place of human contact.   A kind word, a hug, a call to say hello.  On my trip back from Alabama, I have called a handful of people just to keep that comfort of home alive.  But as the sun sets in the distance and I turn into my drive I notice the temperature is down to 86; but for a moment, I think I will cry. I miss my life before. The life I used to have.  I miss my old friends.  I miss my family.  I know that God has brought me to a place of complete beauty and peace in order that I will rest and forget and remember.  For all I have lost I am grateful, for my old friends, my old home, my old life. But for all I have gained I am also thankful.  Thankful that I have had a change of life that will forever change my heart.   Isn't it wonderful to come home?

Men and Medicine and Almost Anything Else

It was with great interest that I read an article this morning on AOL, Huffington Post, concerning men and heart attacks.  It seems that men live longer, healthier and fuller lives if married.  Not only do they live longer but they actually will seek medical attention in a more timely manner.  They will actually pay more attention to getting medical treatment for a heart attack if they have a spouse.  And the spouse doesn't even have to be present for them to seek the treatment. You would want to think that this is because they care more about what happens to them when they know others depend and care about them.  Personally I think its more likely that men just hate to hear "I told you so" so much that they will go against their natural instincts of avoidance and denial in order to try to keep a woman from telling them how stupid they are.  All of us know that women have always gotten a bum rap for nagging.  And yet, we all also know that if a woman asked a man to do something one time, and he did it, she would not have to nag.  In many marriages it is the primary form of communication. It is the dance of intimacy for many.  But when science comes forward and admits that if we women didn't nag men they wouldn't do the right things, what's a woman to do? Case in point, my ex husband told me yesterday that he has decided to stop taking his medication because he not longer feels "suicidal".  Now if any one thing in the world should convince you to take your medication it would be the fact that you said until you took the medicine "you felt like killing yourself".  You certainly wouldn't want to wait until you once again were terribly depressed, suicidal or in an insane asylum to feel that you might want to take your medication. But men are creatures of denial and he is my "EX" husband so I will not nag him about taking his medicine. Funny though, I have yet to see a report that says women live longer, healthier and more fulfilling lives when they are married.  In fact, you could ask many an old broad like myself and she would say that her life is pretty much just about as happy, healthy and fulfilling since he had nagged her poor husband to death or divorce court.  I do though miss my husband and I miss being loved by someone; but I am, in fact, healthy as a horse. And I don't have to be a nag. Pun intended.

Two Young Bucks Join Me For Breakfast

Once again, no, I am not talking sex here.  If I ever get around to sex again, it will be spelled in capital letters. Believe me. After my exciting run-in with the bear this week, I really had decided maybe I might want to move to Las Vegas and experience another form of wildlife.  Of course, as usual something happened that changed my mind.  A cold front brough 60 degree weather and these little boys came for breakfast.  They decided to nibble the roses through my fence and it was instant love, at least on my part.  When I saw the bear in my garden, I was afraid but not terribly. The bear ran for the hills so I figured, no real threat.   I have since learned that the bear was not only big, well over 200 lbs, but it was a she.  And she was a Momma.  Of four.  The afternoon of my run in with Momma Bear, she and her four cubs had decided that people food sounded very promising and a good break from the usual berries and small innocent creatures.   They apparently picked up the scent of fresh, sorta' if you think processed is fresh, meat. My neighbor had made the terrible mistake of leaving his Subway sandwich in the car. Turkey on whole wheat. His Tahoe was closed up tight but apparently bears can pick up the smell of meat for over two miles.  There the car sat, and there the sandwich sat and it was warm and she was hungry and ,well, one thing led to another. Apparently bears are very good at opening car doors.  Momma got the door open, ate the sandwich and while she went next door to open another car door and enjoy a bag of Doritos and old cookies, the cubs climbed into the truck.  The cubs liked the cloth seats, ample legroom and the wood grain dash.  They found the sunroof fun and inviting.  They tore up the papers left from the Subway, an old paper cup, one CD and a ball cap.  Luckily for the owner of the cap, his head was not in it at the time.  When the  cubs had made enough racket to draw the attention of the owners of the car out to the front driveway, the Momma had finished her dessert in the next car and everyone managed to meander off toward my house Probably smelling the salmon had I just grilled for my dinner.  I had just cleaned the dishes and headed out to water my tomatoes when I met Momma face to face.  Good thing for me she was full and had finished her dessert or I might have had a hungry momma on my hands.  Instead everyone says after dinner and the shower with the hose, Momma and her 4 little ones headed off to the Lake without further incident.  Polly Crockett has nothing on me.
*It is with sadness that I report the morning after writing this blog I learned the Momma bear had been shot by one of the gun happy hunters of this area. I am not sure what has happened to the cubs. In these cases you don't know who is to blame, our society for infringing on the bears, us for feeding them and being careless with garbage or just that life in general because black bear can not live in harmony with cars, people and dogs. For sure, its not the bear who has created the problem.  They are just the ones who usually suffer the most. I would have lost a feeder, maybe a fence post.  The bears, probably all 5, have lost everything.

Tea for Two-And the Bear Made Three

During the two years I have lived alone in these beautiful mountains, I have become famous, at least in my own mind, for my garden. Friends and neighbors send others by just to look at it.  I give everyone cuttings and little babies that are coming up in the wrong place or just requiring a thinning.  I even had a garden party just so more people could see it.  With all the deer, flowers are a rarity unless you are willing to think outside the box and work extra hard to have them. I am more than willing.  It has now become a haven for so many birds that at times I feel I am at the arboretum at the New Orleans Zoo. When I wake in the mornings, I start my coffee and while it hisses and steams out my first cup, I take a small bowl and load the feeders in the compact and overflowing garden area. Before I can fill a cup and sit on the porch to watch, the birds have arrived. I do have some manufactured feeders but most of my birds eat from antique china teacups attached to poles by organza ribbons and twine, small saucers and even shells.  Chipped Limoges and Racine Bavarian have found new life with the birds. The feeders attract the squirrels who chase away the birds so I have found by adding tiny and numerous feeding places the birds get equal billing. Soon after the birds arrive I notice the small chipmunk who has kept me entertained this summer.  He scurries down the wall behind my property and shimmies up the metal poles just like the squirrels.  Sometimes he jumps from fence post to post and moves along to get to feeders that are fairly high in the air.  If a squirrel jumps on with him, both will tumble to the ground but the chipmunk will shake off the fall and hurry back as quickly as the squirrels. He will even get to the top of a small table in the area and sit by a teacup and enjoy his breakfast. When I first noticed him, I placed small dishes on the ground just for him. A child's tea set with water and nuts, but now I know he is an acrobat and I enjoy his antics too much to help him out. This was all before he came face to face with Cha-Cha, my grand puppy who was visiting a week ago. Until then he had almost come to trust me enough to continue to graze even while I was in the garden.  Now he's not too sure.  And with good reason.  Cha is small but she is wiry and very determined.  Tonight though, he had more to worry about.  A small bear decided to climb the fence and go after the bird feeders.  Scared us both.  I'm sure within a few days he will forget the incident and be back to normal, but I won't.  Bears can really move when you are squirting them with a hose. There's a memory for a lifetime.

In Memory of Herbie

I got the news today that Herbie Broom had passed away.  Herbie was just 58. I had known Herbie almost all my life.  In school he was the guy most likely to make you laugh.  He was a big guy, much larger than most of the guys in elementary school and that claim continued through junior high and into high school and onto college.  He was a mighty force to be reckoned with on the football field and went on to sign with Auburn his senior year at Lee High School in l970. He was a force off the field at times also.  But mostly, he was just a mess.  I can remember sitting close to him in class all through the years and never knowing a dull moment. He would be surrounded by a bunch of guys, all trash talking and carring on.  He could really make you laugh. And he laughed with you.  And, boy, that guy could get in more trouble.  I was never the most popular girl in school but many times I managed to be friends with the ones who were and in the 5th grade at Forest Avenue, I was friends with Theresa Helms who was the most popular.  John Rogers, the most popular boy, had a crush on her and had invited her to the Cloverdale Theater to see a movie that I have long forgotten.  The date I do remember though because Theresa couldn't go without a friend and I was the lucky friend.  For that reason, Herbie Broom became the first boy I had a "date" with.  Of course, Herbie and I both were just along for the ride; but in my book, I was almost as lucky as the most popular girl who was with the most popular boy, because I was with the biggest and the funniest one.  And he did hold my hand.  Years later I came to love his big brother, Bill, as much and many times over the years have felt the sadness that his life ended too early and in such tragedy.  Now I have the same regret for Herbie.  When we are young we think we will live forever and seldom do we look at the big, funny guy next to us and realize that some day that funny boy will be a grown man with serious health issues.  Never do we think he will die.  My deepest sympathy is extended to the Broom family, especially Herbie and Bill's mom who was such a nice person.  I truly can not image her loss.  But it also is given to all of us at Lee High School and Cloverdale Jr. High and Forest Avenue Elementary who knew and loved one, Herbert E. Broom.  A guy you couldn't help but love.

The New Family Values

After spending a wonderful 4th I returned home to listen to the verdict in the Caylee Anthony murder trial.  I do not confess to know a lot about the trial.  I rarely watched the testimony but I did see much regarding the facts of the case over the three years that it has been in the headlines.  Like most folks, I expected that Casey Anthony would be found guilty of some form of negligence and blame for the death of her small child. I think all of us, including Casey and her parents were shocked that she walked.  Over and over during the last 24 hours I have heard others ask "why" and I have come up with my own answer to that question. Look at the selection of the jury.  I don't know those people but after reading short bios it appears none of them served in positions of authority. None of those I saw listed were CEOs (not like that makes them smart), none were actually bosses or decision makers on any higher level (accept in their own lives, I guess).  Most had minimal education and employment history. Good common sense is really not that common anymore. This jury was in a position of making an extremely difficult and painful decision.  Today's high profile trials demand months of commitment and most responsible and reasonable people find that almost impossible to handle.  We may want to serve knowing it would be our duty but our lives demand other things of us.  At one time in our country, people on juries believes that if the police arrested you and you were brought to trial, you probably did it. You were guilty.  Today, many people believe if the police said you did it, you surely didn't. We no longer respect nor believe in the people we have chosen to be in authority over us. We really don't have a lot of confidence in ourselves, our government, our God. Maybe that's too simplistic but I point to another article I read yesterday on AOL. The founder of EHarmony wrote a long article on the dismal future of marriage in this country.  He seemed to believe that  only shared values would save it from becoming almost extinct even those most want to experience it.  While that may be true; if the values the couple shares are not values of strong character, then the marriage is a disaster anyway. Two people who value lying, cheating, being a general jerk, are not probably going to have a wonderful and loving marriage.  Similar values only lead to a healthy loving relationship if the values are values of honesty, kindness, just general good character, strong commitment.  A friend of mine years ago used to say to his single friends "you won't find the right woman, until you are the right man". We as a society have lost our belief in our values and we float in the wind.  Its little shock to see that we do not believe in our police, our legal system, our politicians.  If you look at people and see where they spend their time and their money, you will know what they value. It won't be enough just to hear them say "I think I can do this or I think I can be a good person or make a good decision".  You have look at their lives and see what kind of decisions they have made in the past. We all make mistakes, if you have read my blog, you know mine. But many of us have a long history of making bad ones, of not living a life of value and strength. Its very difficult for people who have not had a life of being strong and bold to be that way when truly faced with the prospect. Its hard to wake up one day and be smart, confident and a person of character, just because you were asked to be, just because you got married or just because you were chosen for a jury.  So far, none of those jurors have come forward to speak of their decision.  None have felt confident enough in their decision  to want their names nor faces related to their decision. That may change when money comes into play. That does seem to be something most of us today value. I know I could use some.