To Live and Die in Atlanta

This week I had an opportunity to visit some attractions in Atlanta.  Except for my children and grandchildren, I avoid everything Atlanta like the plague.  I hate the traffic, the young black men with their "pants on the ground".  The fear of being shot.  I always get lost finding streets that change their names at every other intersection. The rudeness that often confronts visitors. But with a group, and a driver,  I went to the Atlanta Zoo and the Cyclorama.  I had not visited either since childhood. The Zoo was nice. Not as big as I remembered.  Not as pretty as the Audubon in New Orleans. But it was enjoyable and not overly packed with screaming children nor dangerous looking young men as I had expected. The panda exhibit was worth the trip.  The baby is precious and watching her interact with mother was a wonderful experience and I really did enjoy it.  If I remembered the Cyclorama it was fuzzy at best.  I could remember that the watchers moved around the painting but really it had left little impression on me.  This time the visit was different.  Maybe its my age or the age in which we live, but the painting was so tragic and sad to me. I have never enjoyed stories of the Civil War.  While many love "Gone with the Wind" it has never been my favorite.  I did not love "Cold Mountain" or any other movie that depicted the realities of losing 600,000 people. After the presentation the narrator began a small segment of questions and I noticed a tiny black child holding up her hand.  She waved it back and forth but was small and in the darken theater was overlooked.  As we filed out from the stadium seating, I noticed her tug on the pant leg of the very attractive young black woman who had told us the story of the painting and related how its purchase had been made and later came to Atlanta. The narrator looked down at the child and asked "Peanut, what do you want to ask?".  In a gentle and timid voice, the child asked "Why are they all dead?".  For a moment everyone was silent wondering how the young narrator would respond.  I hope I forget the tragic scenes of the painting, but I never will forget the answer to the question.  Her response was "They failed to talk to each other." To paraphrase her, she said that being a black Southerner she thought everyone expected her to say it was about slavery and no black person would or could justify what happened  She went on to say that most people in that time lived and died only knowing the 40 or so miles surrounding their birth site and that to survive, black and white depended on each other. Almost none of the young men who died in the Battle of Atlanta had slaves, most knew little of why they would die. But when your back was to the wall, you died beside the boy you fished with, the one who helped you through a sickness, who farmed near you. That underneath they were all Southerners and died with the people they knew. They chose to serve and die with their neighbors. It was a moving statement from a young black person in Atlanta.  A city that has been plagued with racial unrest and discord.  But it encouraged me to believe that underneath we are all the same. Struggling with the same issues and in a time of crisis and disaster we can come together, regardless of race or religion.  Reminds me of the way it felt after 9/11.

Nature vs. Nurture

If you read my blog, you know my world consists of two events.  Nature and Nurture.  One I have in abundance, Nature, and one I am in dire need of.  A woman must be filled up to keep herself afloat.  Since I find no man interested or interesting enough to do that; I find that God provides me with his own special healing in the beauty of the N. Georgia Mountains.  The sky today is brilliant blue and a gentle breeze promises an early fall.  It was one of those days when the beauty around me surpassed the sadness that often keeps me from being my usual happy and neurotic self.   The highly effective and very frugal Georgia Department of Transportation and Roads is paving a small but vital stretch of the road leading to my neighborhood.  This afternoon six pieces of heavy duty equipment was brought in to do the 1/2 mile or so of needed paving.  Three pieces sat idle by the road and fourteen (l4 in case you have trouble with that figure) men in various states of decomposition and idleness sat around and watched five (5) men work.  I looked very thoughtfully at each as I passed them and did the Pickens County, finger. No, not that finger.  Its a pointer finger raised in a county wide "Howdy" just above the steering wheel.  I think it is universal in acceptance and acknowledgement in all small towns across the Southern United States. Redneck or otherwise.  All the members of the road crew had a beard.  I headed on home through the back gate and noticed a small , black bear crossing just in front of me.  He seemed in no hurry and stood in the road a moment looking at me as I looked at him.  Road construction and l4 men do not seem to matter to a small bear in search of food.  Finally he ambled on across the road and I kept on winding toward my home.  A small coyote ran across the road startling me for a moment. I thought I had done the unthinkable in almost hitting a dog in a 20 MPH zone.  Seeing the coyote seemed a rare event in the afternoon but I think that maybe the drought is distressing many of the wildlife in the mountains.  We need rain desperately.   When I arrived at home Iwas greeted by the doe who apparently has come to think the field beside my home is her own special haven.  She pranced up to the back porch, looking longingly toward me. She has the sweetest, gentlest cow eyes.  Reminiscent of animals destined to live their lives gracing and being used for dinner.  I recognize her because she bears a nick to her right ear that looks like someone took a small bite out of it.  Possibly another doe.  I have a tomato that has to be discarded because it had worms.  I go into the kitchen to retrieve it for her.  But for some reason tonight I decide she must earn it. I open the door of the porch and show her the tomato. She cocks her head to one side showing off the nicked ear; like saying, "Hey, its me, OK".  I reach my hand out and touch her head.  She doesn't move or startle.  Instead she lowers her head and waits.  I hand her the tomato.  Saliva forms on both sides of her mouth as she welcomes the treat. She could use a napkin.  I don't complain though.  I have just petted a deer.  This could cost $l00 in fines in my neighborhood.  Today though, I think its worth it.  But, please don't report me.

Dating for Dummies - Steps Six to Twelve

Dating Based on The Twelve Steps Program of AA
Ok, Steps 6-12 basically say, you do what you can about the mess you've made.  You make up when possible, you keep doing that as best you can and you tell others how you got in the mess in the first place and what you are trying to do to get out of it.  Been there, done that.  I know that for me, internet dating is not all its cracked up to be.  In fact, all I've met are bad eggs.  If the two men you meet on the internet and go out with are named Bob "Bodman" and Dale "Cummings", the Universe is trying to tell you, there's a problem with internet dating for you.  I am not saying its wrong for everyone, but I feel like a character in some stupid adult sexual cartoon and I don't think that's the Universe saying its blessing.  So now I am back to Step One, admitted I was powerless. I have been "fixed up" once with the bush hogger who also reminded me of a cartoon character. His looks were kinda' a combination of Elmer Fudd,  hunting rabbit (the man talked about shooting stuff the entire date) and Mr. Magoo.  I'm not saying he was blind but he wore dark glasses the entire time and his beady little eyes kept going back and forth and watching everyone without making eye contact with me. When I suggested we meet for coffee somewhere in town to introduce ourselves, his answer was "Don't you make coffee?" My answer to him was  "Yes, but not for you".  And he had very small, chubby fingers. And in his late 60s, driving a black vet and wearing a gold chain.  I know that's not important, but I am passing it on just the same. I have two friends now who have met someone on SeniorPeople and think its a good thing to do, but maybe God is thinking I need some more work. I have to wonder how much work it takes to date and get married. I mean I see people do it all the time who don't appear to have put any thought or preparation into the matter. Hey, there's a thought.  Maybe I am over thinking this.  Maybe I am analyzing it too much. Simple is better.  I simply can not date.  I could try EHarmony but I was really bad at Chemistry in l0th grade and I don't think I have developed a knack for it this late in life.  Plus I don't think I want to date someone neurotic and confused with a personality similar to mine. I want to date someone "cool".  This morning when I prayed I asked for God to give me the courage and the wisdom to just keep going on with my life, the one I have now and the one I hope to find.  I didn't ask for Prince Charming. And when a friend recently reminded me you have to kiss a lot of frogs, I realized that I really don't want to kiss any frogs.  Not even one. So I will let my subscription to SeniorPeople expire, just as my lust for dating seems to be.

Dating for Dummies - Steps Four & Five

Dating Strategy Based on the AA Twelve Steps
Made Moral Inventory of Ourselves, Admitted Our Faults to God, Ourselves and Another Individual and If Necessary Made Restitution for Any Wrongs We Have Committed
While I sit around and wait for lightening (or enlightenment) to strike me again on my dating front, I am continuing on my spiritual journey of working the Twelve Steps.  Since completing step three, I have found that my Higher Power may not mind me dating but He is not going to make it easy for me. The internet/cable guy was not for me, nor the computer guy who charged me a ton and couldn't fix my computer after a week of trying, not his helper who needed a belt as they often seem to do, not the man who changed my flat tire, the one who emailed me ten requests for a date while my computer was out, nor the one I had coffee with today after all the disasters and smoke from the lightening cleared.  If my Higher Power decides I shouldn't date and instead brush up my skills of old lady entertainment, including by not limited to fine finger painting, gossiping and cutting out recipes from Southern Living, then I will look at the completion of these steps as self improvement and something for the masses to read.  The masses being you my readers who now are running anywhere from 35-50 per blog. Small mass, but in a medical sense, the best kind to have. Making a moral inventory is not easy. You have to look at your good points as well as your shortcoming. I grew up with a mother who made it fairly easy to know my shortcomings; so I have long list of shortcomings.  And I am not afraid of listing them. Impatient, likes things to be done in a certain way, some need for control or at least the pretense of it, a little outspoken. But good qualities??  Lord, I am not sure. I have been told that I am good company by both men and women. I was a good student. I am not lazy. I do not like to cook and do not make my own clothes.  See what I mean.  Its easier to see the fault than the good points.  Well, there's another shortcoming. This is hard for me.  As to wrongs that I have committed, well, I have failed to......make my marriage work, learn how to earn enough money that it didn't matter. Those are my two biggies.  I have now admitted them to all of you.  How I make restitution for those two wrongs will have sit on the page with "To Date or Not To Date".  If I'm supposed to make up to the guy I had a date with last week, I will remain forever dateless.   If I have to date the guy I had coffee with this morning who arrived in his black vet but had to cut things short because he had to bush hog, I am sure of it.  But I hear thunder and I am praying there's some lightening with it and it will with any luck, strike me.

Dating for Dummies - Step Three

Dating Strategy Based on The AA Twelve Steps
Step Three:  Gave our Will Over to our God as we Knew Him
This was the easiest step of all.  After the fiasco of my first date and the subsequent conversations of my "wannabee" dates, I knew without a doubt I was not in any condition to make decisions for my life, let alone my dating.  It had been my decision to begin to "date" and now it was looking like I was once again going to decide "not to date".  I was so confused and exhausted just trying to keep up with the mess I was creating that it no longer was much fun. Making a "mell of  a hess", as my mother used to say, of dating. And I was no doubt causing some discomfort for the men whom I readily ignored. If I answered a flirt it was always some old man sitting on a worn out Barco-lounger in plaid fabric with his remote and his toy poodle.   If I sent a flirt it fell into the deep, dark pit of lost emails that were never to be seen again nor answered.  And so it was with great conviction than I accepted that my lot in life could be to remain alone, always "trying" to date, "trying" not to date, or God willing actually dating. Whichever, whatever, I was willing to accept that someone hopefully  knew better than I did what was best for me. My sister said she did and I should date. My friends definitely knew what was best and it was moving on, i.e. dating.  My conscious said I knew what was best for me and I shouldn't move in any direction with so much uncertainty.  I would wait and see what my God said, whom I thought knew me better than I knew myself.  If He thinks I am not too neurotic to date, then I date.  But He would have to do something though to let me know which way the wind was blowing.  Up to now I had felt I was either in a hurricane or in a sail boat in the middle of the ocean on a completely still day.  I needed guidance.  As if to answer my request, my Internet went out and won't be back on until I can stay home and let the cable guy in to check it out.  Maybe he's the answer to my prayers and a date is just a service call away.

Dating for Dummies - Step Two

Dating Strategy based on the 12 Step Program of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Step Two:  Came to believe that we needed a higher power to restore us to sanity.  If there is one thing that I can tell you its that you have got to be crazy to date.  This step is absolutely essential if you are going to try to date or if you just want to get up the next morning without losing your mind having had a date. If anything would push you on over the edge it would be trying to figure out how to date an old man. Now I admit I am an old woman but men are different when they are old.  They are fussy.  I had my first date this week.  It took 10 emails to get this guy to make a decision about where to go and when to go.  Then he picks 7:30.  I am in bed by 7:30.  I won't be able to get away from him until almost 9.  And Oprah insists you never eat after 7 PM.  What is he thinking?   Now I will have to drive home in the dark. Then he is late.  And the conversation.  He gripes about everything.  The weather.  Its too hot.  The man is from Florida.  Wouldn't you think he's been hot before? Then he talks about the debt deal.  I have indigestion just thinking about it. And he orders before me.  That is so on my list of things not to do. In his pictures he is though reasonably attractive for an old man but they must be of his younger, thinner and taller brother.  Do these men think you will be so enamored by their conversation you will forget you are talking to a munchkin?  I will say though he does manage to pick an extremely nice restaurant with a very good menu and excellent service.  Very friendly service. Since he went home with the waitress's number and not mine, at least it wasn't a complete washout,  for him.  The whole thing makes me feel completely crazy.  If ever I needed my sanity restored it is after a date.  "Waiter, I need a Xanx with that glass of wine."  It was almost 10 pm before I finally got away from this old man and hurried home to send a flirt to "2good2btrue" and ignore completely the kind message from "FaithfulasanOldDog".  I feel better already.  I am sure restoration of my sanity is just around the corner and I know that there's a man out there for me. Well, my computer is calling even if the right man is not.

Dating for Dummies - Step One

OK, here goes. I am going to start dating. I realized this week that I could wake up one day and admit that I am an old woman who has not been out at night in 20 years and that I don't even know how to knit or crochet. I can sit here in my rocker but if I do, I will  probably go completely OFF IT.  So I am sending this out to the Universe and asking for cooperation in this endeavour. I am putting my best foot forward, having a positive attitude and getting new lingerie. Now I am ready but before my first date, which by the way is tonight, I have gone on line to find some help and support, just in case the Universe is busy with the debt crisis, famine in Africa and the unrest in the Middle East.  While reading on line I found that no one really knows what to tell you about dating .  The advice sounds like you are interviewing for a job.  It really is not helpful at all so I have decided to begin a series of encouragement and suggestions to help anyone who finds themselves in my position.  The first step in dating is finding someone to date.  I believe this to be the hardest, but as I said, I am on step one so that may be why it seems so difficult. I am facing this step using The Alcoholic Anonymous 12 Step Approach.  First Step:  Admit that we are powerless over being asked out.  Women can ask men for a date but I do not believe it is in the woman's best interest to do this. Therefore, you as a woman, are powerless. And men are powerless also because the woman has to say "yes".  You can look good, be good, smile and want to be asked(or answered in the affirmative), but you are pretty much powerless.  In order to regain the power in this situation, I have posted my profile on Senior People Meet.  The "most successful dating site for Mature Adults".  I certainly am looking for someone who is mature so I feel that's the place to start.  Now I have the power.  I can answer emails, flirt, send messages, ignore, ignore again, and search to my heart's content.  I feel powerful as I ignore "Looking4Luv" and send a flirt to "FriendlyFunMan" and  search out "NotASanta in Jasper"(haven't found him yet). This positive outlook has already paid off in the fact that I have a date. Not bad. Well, the date may be, but I have a date. And a person I barely know asked this morning if she could set me up with someone.   The Universe is apparently good at multitasking.  I am capable of dating,  I can date. I am OK about dating.  I am a nervous wreck.