SEX

Yes, that's in capital letters, and no, its not because I've had any.  I have been thinking about it though.  Mainly because my friend, Lynn, gave me a book entitled "The Dieter's Guide to Weight Loss During Sex".  Now if that's not a catchy title, I've never read one.  Since both of those subjects are dear to my heart, I read the book. Turns out the book is a complete listing of different activities, bedroom and otherwise and how many calories each burns up.  I find it almost as fascinating trying to understand how they calibrated such caloric burn as I find it fascinating that people actual spend time trying to determine such things. For years we have heard how the government donated (threw away) $3 million to determine the sex lives of horned owls and buffalo, but now it seems that people are actually writing books about sex/calories and some people, not me or my friend, are buying them. Not too many obviously because the book was in a donated section of the library and its original price of $2.75 had been cut in half.  But the darn thing got published. Anyway since sex is by far the most favored of all exercises and the least boring if done right, I am going to let you in on some of the statistics.One hour of heavy petting, including squirming, wiggling, and whimpering for more (if any) will burn up an entire large slice of chocolate cake.  Sixteen minutes of frisking and tickling of a partner will equal 9 lollipops.  Two more for the ticklee. French kissing for 53 mintues will give you swollen lips and a cheeseburger and l4 french fries with ketchup but you will have to wait for your lips to regain feeling in order to keep the cheeseburger from falling to the floor while trying to take a bite. If you can manage to chase your partner around the room for 62 minutes or have a 2 hour pillow fight without dying in the process, you can share two pints of ice cream, one for each of you. This is not recommended after taking Viagra. The big disappointment was that 6 minutes of intercourse in 4 different positions (how often have you been disappointed in 6 minutes of intercourse in 4 different positions?) only allowed you to enjoy a large portion of chocolate mousse. Hardly worth the effort.  But then compare it to other activities such as a sneeze equally l4 bean sprouts, calling your parents 3 calories burned, drying your hair 9 calories, unless you are using your cheeks to do it which would be 348 calories and a heart attack, or selecting your clothes 7 calories if you care how you look and l if you don't.  All in all, it truly appears that the best way to stay fit, trim and healthy is to have SEX. That said, I am joining Match.com again. I have 5 pounds to lose.