All The Good Ones Are Taken

Last night I rested. I am really tired. So I stayed home and watched Water for Elephants and Because of Winn Dixie. Movies I love because they remind me that love comes in all kinds of packages. I mention this because I want to confess I have a terrible crush. I know you wonder "How? She never has a date?" Well, the truth is I have known this man for well over a year. He comes into the thrift store where I volunteer. He always donates and buys the most interesting things. Vintage bubble lights and a pink phone in the shape of a high heel shoe. He is very attractive, nice eyes. No facial hair. He works out at my gym. Doesn't look like Santa, Bubba, or the Rock. Doesn't wear camo. Doesn't hunt. We can talk about anything. And do. He's the kind of guy who you could ask "Are these pants too tight?" and he'd say "No, Honey, but wash them in cold water and hang to dry." He's kind and thoughtful and he knows colors like magenta and mango and turquoise, and uses them in sentences. He traveled by car this summer to California. Singing.  And visited everything I would stop to see. I want to take him to Fairhope and stay at the Grand Hotel and the Magnolia Springs B & B. He's never been and he will love it. The Carmel of the South I tell him.  The owners of the B & B there would love him. He likes Antiques and Art Deco and recognizes good china and manners. I am smitten. I know he likes me too because he's called me and we'll have lunch at his house next week. I'm going to his Christmas party. I don't know what I will wear.  Shiny for sure. He'll say I look "Marvelous" and I will. My friends have pointed out that there is one, tiny little glitch. He has a partner. And I know he won't give HIM up for me. After all his partner is in banking. Well, yes, he's gay. Do you honestly think I found a straight guy this good? Sure, I know.  He will never find me sexually attractive, but, well, I haven't had sex in years, so what's the problem? We'll go to lunch at Madeline's and order the chicken salad and I'll say, "Oh, I can't have desert, I'm too fat." And he'll say" Darling, you look great" and he'll order the strawberry cake and two spoons and then say "Oh, I love your shoes".  And we'll talk about where I got them and he'll know a great place to buy purses. I am in love and once again with someone gay, dead or married.