The Deer Debate Goes On

My neighborhood has once again sounded the battle cry to kill the deer before they eat the hydrangeas.  This time they will try to do it with bow and arrow.  It is difficult to believe that grown up people, people who appear sound and reasonable would decide that bow hunting through our neighborhood would be the best solution to a slight over population of deer. Especially bow hunting that is done without notifying residences in advance of the day, hour and location of the hunt. And with no understanding of pursuing a wounded deer onto some one's back yard where their grandchildren can view the second arrow hit its mark. Dogs and children wonder through our streets with abandonment along side the wild turkey, deer and bear.   My neighborhood is marketed as a "nature preserve".  It has been for 40 years.  It is stated plainly in many places and many ways, but more assuredly the fact that you see deer calmly grazing by the road is the most obvious indication that the deer who have been born here and lived here all their lives think they are being "preserved".  When the last so called cull was organized, many residents did all they could to deter the shooting of what many of us see as a natural resource.  A asset to our community.  A plus when you are trying to sell.  Many a person has purchased a house here because a beautiful buck walked through the yard of a potential residence and took a drink from the birdbath.  Everyone is amazed at the gentleness of these wild creatures.  True they may be a little too abundant but for the same amount of money we will spend in fighting this fight, hard feelings that will be brought on, property values that may decease (even further) due to all the negative publicity, we could plant the right kinds of vegetation to feed the deer.  And if we don't do that, its not like they are fenced in.  They actually could walk right out of my neighborhood and go raid some one's farm.  If they are still here, its because they are doing somewhat OK.  It seems so many people always believe just because God said we had dominion over all other creatures that necessarily means we will always know what is best for nature, let alone man. Many a home has burned to the ground under the guise of  a"control burn", many a future wrecked to save a salamander,  many a job lost because of a horned toad. We have completely wiped out one species in order to save another.  Man rarely knows what is best for nature and more rarely does he do it.  How in the world can a race of people who care more about fashion than famine, sports than spirit, movie stars than shooting stars and drama than deer be in charge of anything in this world?   Bow season has begun.  All I can say is DUCK!

Wanting to Go Home, When You Are Already There

My recent romance blunder has left me in somewhat reflective mood.  When I wasn't crying, feeling old and miserable and sorry for myself,  I have thought so much about leaving here.  I always promised myself after my last divorce that I would live in the present not looking to the future and wondering.  Not looking to the past and hitting myself over the head with former wedding china, old love letters and an empty bank account.  For some reason though during the last year or so I have only looked forward or back.  Few moments spent in the here, few feelings of the now. I think the isolation I felt has been of my own making.  I have not been as close to those I love here ( or even other places) as I could have been.  Instead I have pulled back from them.  Looking at them as I have the mountains. Loving them but not touching them or allowing them to touch me.  I have worked, worked, worked out and worried. The mountains of Jasper are dark blue and green and they welcome you with a quietness that is found so rarely in our world. On the dam at the lake, you see the colors of the hills, the shadows of the clouds reflected and you feel the breeze brushing your hair and passing softly on your cheek.   You can sit and swing and never hear another sound except the wind and the birds.  You can walk the trails and see the deer. Rather than run, they stand at attention and salute you and watch you pass, with no fear of you as in other places. You can see the bear, the turkey.  As much at home with you as you want to become with them.  The small cub above watched me with a calm composure because she found me in her home, my yard. You can not help but see in this beautiful place all the promises of happiness, something that I have so easily ignored. Finding instead, that you can long for something else, when really all around you is everything you need.  Maybe that was the lesson I learned.  To value what I have, when I have it, for however long I have it. What I have is now.  I am going to do a better job of holding it in my arms.

Definately Not Sweet

When I met my "almost" boyfriend, I held up my 10 fingers and counted out to this dear person, that all I would ask of a man now was to be sweet, sweet, sweet,sweet,sweet,sweet,sweet, sweet, sweet to me, and sex.  Now I find that even that is too much for me to expect from the men in my life.  I made the fatal mistake of having difficulty with his having a date with his ex girlfriend whom he described as a cold, skank.   He decided to go with the skank.  And so in a moment of madness, I banished him forever from my kingdom.  As he loaded the floating igloo cooler (I bought second hand in a thrift store) and the inflatable life raft we called the love boat into the back seat of his Toyota, he vowed that "this was not over, we are not done" but  "I am taking the yacht".  Today though, when I returned from the Auburn football game to my lonely, quiet house , I discovered he also took the cheap plastic, disposable toothbrush he kept in guest bathroom.  Obviously, we are done.  I sit in my bedroom and look at all I have left of this would be romance; some dead dried wildflowers, a broken plastic ring and half a pack of left over Hubba Bubba chewing gum we used the last day we were together for a bubble blowing contest, that he won. I wonder if maybe the lesson here is that if you don't ask for anything, that's exactly what you get.  Or maybe its something else completely.  I shake my head when the reality of my decision sets in and I wonder how I will stand the loneliness of a 4th winter in what to me feels like these desolate, North Georgia mountains.   A small voice inside me whispers "like you always do", with humor.  I am not naive enough to think that setting this terrible loss to laughter, as a musician sets the lyrics to the melody, will in any way lessen the truth of my pain nor slow the flow of my tears.  Even now a small drop appears on the Hubba Bubba and I admit that all I got from "getting back in the saddle again" was saddle sores and a broken heart.

If It Feels Good, Blog It

Much to my own amazement, I am back.  To be honest, I left my blog for a while because I was so overwhelmed with a possible boyfriend that I thought I would say something rude, crude or simply so inappropriate that I didn't trust myself.  I came up with one liners and jokes that could have been used on Saturday Night,  but not intended for my readers who are more a Sunday Morning Group. The 49 year old attorney I kissed on the 4th turned out to be a good guy.  No, he has been really great to me.  He has given me back a part of me that had been slowly torn apart and stuffed so far down that I wasn't sure it was still in me.  It is.  I am a loving and willing person who not only can give affection, but I can receive it, and cherish it.  This "almost" to be boyfriend is not only a darling stud muffin but (fundamental, dear Christian friends, and my children, cover your eyes) has presented me with an opportunity to be completely swept away in whoopee passion. Who would have imaged at 60 you could have "Tim the Tool Man" bring over his toolbox and fix everything in you and your house?   I am definitely accepting that this is not a love, marriage and a baby carriage relationship ; but only I would have a man tell me he wanted to be honest with me and would give me 50/50  odds of returning to his former girlfriend or mention that he feels the thing that will end our "relationship" is my age.  That's hard to take in glaring daylight of a sunny afternoon, but right after a horse and pony show;  it makes you want to dig in with the spurs.  I don't know what will happen next but I do think it is time to return to my small simple life and blog about it.  After weeks of singing "Back in the Saddle Again"  I may be returning to my ole' time favorites "When Will I be Loved" and "Momma Told Me Not to Go".

How Sweet It Is

For almost two years now I have shared not only my dirty laundry (plus quite a few other people's) with all of you, but I have also shared my love of my family, my belief in my God and my hope for my future.  I know that you have laughed with me and I also feel you have cried with me.  Sometimes you may have done both at the same time.  There are people in this world who live there entire lives never having as much love, laughter and good friends as I have found in you, my readers.  My blog is read now by people I don't know and who will never have dinner with me or call me on the phone; but they know me so well that its almost embarrassing.  No, that's not quite true.  I am proud that I have told them my heart and I have told them my story. Over 300 times a month, someone reads the story of my life; and almost every week, someone new finds me and joins me on my journey.  I write now to say that for a little while I won't be writing.  Not because I have nothing to say, you know that's not right. In fact, I too much to say and I think that means I should be quiet for a while.  So,  I am considering this as a sabbatical from telling you what's happening in my life.  I feel sure I will be back and I hope that when I am you will read my little stories and remember how much fun I had writing them for you.  Thank you so much for letting me share my life with you.

Date Four - By Accident

This past week has been a bummer.  I can't say it any plainer.  You reach a certain point where you don't think you can continue to put one foot in front of the other.  And then you pray, again, but this time you are serious.  God, please don't leave me here in the place.  And I don't mean just Jasper. So he doesn't.  Instead he makes you pick up the phone and call a friend.  Someone you don't know too well, but think you would like to know. And, she's the answer to your prayer.  Someone who will listen without judgement.  I spent the day with my new friend and had a great time.  We hung out at the pool where I met new people who live in my neighborhood. People with their own teeth and no walkers.  Including a new attorney in the neighborhood.  My friend and I planned to do dinner later and watch the fireworks. Both of us finding new ways to look at our somewhat of a plight, living in this pretty but small town of Jasper.  I went home to shower and head over to her house to cook and ride her kaboto thing to the fireworks.  I noticed a message  on my phone and another friend had called to invite us to their tent for dinner and drinks. Getting better and better. While talking she said that she'd heard there was a new single attorney in our neighborhood. I said "Yes, I met him".  You can't do anything in this neighborhood without it making the rounds.  Well, to make a long story short, "Guess who got a good night kiss from the attorney?" My new friend says I must buy new lingerie at Victoria's Secret and practice my flirting skills .  Both of which she says quite frankly are worn out.  I on the other hand am off to the races! 

Date Three- Wasn't

Instead of enjoying the wonderful, lustful throngs of date three, I stayed home and watched old movies.  My dating life, my life in general, seems in desperate need of a Re-do.  I keep thinking of Hillary and her Reset Button and wondering where mine is on the VCR/DVD player. Sundays do not lend themselves to Re-dos; so movies are it on a Sunday in Jasper.  I feel that if I could simply hit a button and change everything I would but instead I sit here for hours and watch these funny old movies that I haven't pulled out in months.  First I watched Baby Boom.  I had forgotten the scene where the heroine talks about being lonely and not having had sex in years while living in a small rural town in the mountains. I wonder "Where is the one good looking vet in Jasper?"   I must get that dog. Next I watched Funny Farm. Again, the insanity of living in a rural community and trying desperately to fit in.  Finding most locals were  boring and stupidly mean and really didn't care to help you fit in.  And of course, the dog.   Then I started Prince of Tides and decided, "Crap"!  I can not watch another movie highlighting the insanity and depravity that develops in individuals who are left too long by themselves in small rural community which primarily feature incest, insanity and inspires stupidity.  Instead I will go back to Match.com and try to find someone to talk to and who has a better selection of movies.  And get the dog and put my house on the market.