Another Winter of Discontent

The winter I have been dreading for six months has come to my neighborhood.  We had our second snow yesterday.  It was heavy enough to mar my vision but luckily didn't stick.  The mountain tops though are white and shiny in the sunlight this morning.  Cars at the post office have snow and ice on the windshields.  I will work today and tomorrow and celebrate the New Year sitting at a table of women; once again vowing to meet a man I admire before Christmas.  Trying to figure out what to do with the rest of my life.  Or more importantly what the rest of my life will do to me.  My ex is engaged to the Russian. Only I would be succeeded by a Russian Mail Order Bride.  Despite my commitment to working out with weights; having seen her on Facebook,  I think she could take me.  And my ex also.  That's four women (serious relationships, but all of his are!) at four addresses in less than four years.  That sounds like a line in a bad made for TV movie but once again it is just the truth of my life.  No, the truth of his life.  Happy New Year to all of you and may God continue to bless us.

Its the Autumn Of My Years and The Nuts Are Falling

For almost 3 years I have wanted to talk openly, face to face with my ex-husband.  If someone asked me why, I would tell them I needed closure. I wanted to say things to his face I have never had an opportunity to say.   Today I was talking very lightly with someone and they asked that if he called me tomorrow and wanted me to meet him half-way, to talk, face to face, would  I want to drive for two hours to do it.  I said "No, I don't have time to waste or money for gas".  That was the first time I have ever said that and felt that way.  In 3 years.  I have  realized after being on Zoosk for a month(which feels like 3 years), Match for 6 months, and The Road to Insanity for 3 years, that if you are a man (or woman?) and alone at 60-65 because you wanted a divorce;  there is something wrong with you.  I understand the death of a spouse, I have suffered that terrible loss.  But to decide at this point in life to divorce; well, you have to be nuts.  OK,  you could have one divorce,  maybe two. Some reasonable excuse like she joined the circus or the mafia.  But if you've had 3 or 4, even 5, you are crazy and some kind of nut.  I admit to two, but both were because my husband was sleeping with someone else, openly.  That may indicate that there is something wrong with me, but its not an inability to commit.  Men who are divorced repeatedly into their mature years, are nuts. That's my final word on that. Now I need to check my Zoosk email.

DeJa Vue All Over Again

Once again we read a story about a man who has ruined his life and embarrassed himself and his family by inappropriate sexual conduct.  Its not a new story, in fact, its as old as man himself and yet, kings are brought down by it, presidents embarrassed and everyday men, captured and destroyed by  its appeal.  I usually find that the Internet and Viagra are part of the culprits but to be honest men have always been pigs and women have always  been willing to feed at the trough. The thing I find so amazing is that men don't learn and stop doing this to themselves.  When they are in a position of power and when they know that should they get caught it will effect their lives and their billfolds so substantially; they blindly proceed full steam ahead.  Its almost like they retreat to the teenager who felt that they were so invincible that they could defy death and sometimes gravity only to realize at the last moment they were headed over a cliff.  We seem to be just like the poor dumb creatures who don't recognize the baited field, the danger of a fast moving car, the threat of a tiger slowly moving through tall grass in Africa.  We are just poor dumb creatures also.  Then the women end the affair and  write the book that tells the story and end up making the dough and getting the recognition they wanted in the first place. DeJa Vue.

I Paint Like I Date, Nuff Said

Once again I sit here and wonder what in the world to write about.  I could continue with my exciting dating life.  You know that would be a lie.  I will tell you though that I am continuing to hold fast and true to my promise to have a date for New Year's Eve even if it is with another nut.  So I am still on Zoosk and all I can say is "Great Zoosk, who in the world are these people?" This week I want to tell you about something good in my life instead.   My artwork.  I am not an artist.  Artist have talent and training and most importantly, better paint and brushes than I have. But what I lack in all the above I have made up for in having nerve.  I will try anything.  I  paint on everything, anything.  Windows, old tin, aluminum siding, pots, pans, hub caps, everything. My vivid imagination and complete lack of discretion has made me a natural when it comes to finding something silly and fun to paint and not being the least bit embarrassed that someone will pay for it.  After all I have actually paid to meet someone on-line.  Even dumber I have paid to have my house cleaned when others are paying me to clean their houses.  So to sell my artwork to unsuspecting art lovers in Jasper,  doesn't bother me at all.  I am including a couple of my newest pieces so that you see I really am telling the truth.  Not even stretching it this time.  I feel like Bob in "What About Bob?" strapped to a mask and heading out to sea, yelling at the top of his lungs, "I'm sailing, I'm a sailor". Only I am yelling to all of you "I paint, I am a painter".   And I have paint on my garage floor, hair, my chairs, bottom of my feet ( I should wear shoes), door nobs and a lot of my clothes to prove it.

I've Been Zoosked

A good friend of mine has suggested that I give Internet dating another chance.  At this point I am not willing to spend any more money meeting Mr. Wrong, so I am trying one of the "supposedly" free services.  After several minutes of Searching last night I closed down the site and went to watch a movie.  This morning though I was richly rewarded with lots of emails and contacts.   So far I have been winked at and flirted with by a slew of eligible men.  I have been contacted by a very large black man who's first claim to fame was that he is the father of eight "who's don't currently live with him".  That was hard to resist.  Then I got doubled winked at by a man from Atlanta who I think I have seen on America's Most Wanted.  He forgot how to spell Atlanta.  Next a double wink, wink and a flirt by a man who's handle is SANTASOON.  Of course, he was wearing a red shirt and had a long white flowing beard and beautifully matching hair.  And who would be surprised to know that he lives in Jasper, Georgia.  You know, you almost couldn't make this stuff up.  I can't wait to see who contacts me next.  Probably Drew Peterson stating that he has been very misunderstood and unloved by the women in his life. 

Wishing and Hopeing

After spending a couple of weeks angry at myself for my juvenile thoughts and stupid actions regarding my "almost boyfriend" ;  I have decided to forgive myself and move on.  I have placed my cute little house on the market in the hope of finding something closer to civilization and a Super Target.  I moved here with so much hope that living here would be good for my marriage and my husband.  It would afford him an opportunity to make friends and play golf and in doing so "we" would be happier.  He's never lived here and I think with winter approaching, I can't either.   In attempting to move at one of the worst times in real estate history, I am holding fast to a verse from the Bible.  Its one I know but don't know its origin nor the circumstances of its promise, but I know it is intended for me.  "I will pitch my tent in land of hope".  And so I once again, break down my campsite and think " where is the land of hope?"   There is no Hope, Alabama, nor Hope, Georgia on the map so I guess hope is where you find it.   It can be anywhere you want it to be.  But who would have ever have thought Atlanta would be considered "the land of Hope" ?  Now I know I have gone truly mad.

Now Back to My Love Life

Ok, so I was a fool for love.  Not the first time nor the last.  I want to say right up front ; this was not one of those "he's just not that into you" stories.  He was really into me.  So how does it happen when a guy's so into you that you wake up one day to find, he's not?  Well, I have a theory on that.  If you have a younger sister or granddaughter who's just beginning her dating career, which is the only way to describe how my "dating" has gone for almost 45 years, send her this blog.  I am going to tell you some of the things I have learned about men and dating.
1.  If he says "I don't want to hurt you", he can and will and already knows it.  He may not have a plan but he knows what he is capable of doing to you. 
2.  If he calls you, kisses you, or says anything about the future within the first 24 hrs of meeting you, he probably will follow up at some point with "I don't want to hurt you".
3.  If he seems too good to be true, he is.  Don't be fooled by anything he says.  A man in heat is just like a dog in heat.  He not only will self destruct, but take you with him.  Many a male dog has died on the highway just trying to get to the female on the other side. And often he has drug her out there with him.  From the moment he sees you until 6 months later, believe nothing.
4.  If he says all the right things, its because he has said them so many times that they fall right out of his month.  He knows what you want to hear and he gives it to you.  I'm not saying he does this on purpose, I'm just saying he does this.
5.  If he says he's not a good guy, believe him.  He knows himself better than you do.  As women we try so hard to say "oh, no, you're wonderful".  He isn't.  He is not a good guy.  He will tell you who he is so listen to him.
So ignore all the love songs you have ever heard.  Listen closer to the breakup, broken up, pulling your heart out through the soles of your shoes songs.  Don't listen to or believe any song by Billy Holliday, Tammy Wynette or Patsy Kline.  Listen to Carrie Underwood.  Kill him before he kills you.  Like Beyonce says "Find the Good in Goodbye". These are the things I have learned the hard  way.  But will I do it again?  I hope so.